Keats, Godot & Feeling Lonely : But hey, we’re all dying anyway.

According to Sartre, in life, man lives by a code of morals and ethics. These morals are determined by none other than man himself – since science and pure fact have no emotional connotations whatsoever. Thus, man is governed by his own rules and his own sense of conduct – not by any law. So if an action is considered immoral, it’s through your own interpretation : not anything else. This entire concept blew my mind.

It is upon this free flowing principle of thought –that man is entirely his own device, that Absurdism came in. Here’s something to think about : “We are born astride of a grave” (Waiting for Godot). Essentially, we are born to die. Anything we do in between – form relationships, study, worry, work – will go in vain in this life. Yet, regardless of this impending death, we go about our lives in our own way. We perform our absurd duties in our absurd world with the full knowledge that it’ll all just end one day! Why? Why do we continue to push, pull, worry and strain our hearts and souls to no avail? Is it because we fear an Ultimate Judgement? We fear The “Great Judge President” of Paton’s A Small Boy Who Died In Diepkloof Reformatory? Or is it something more?

Man is placed between the horizontal axis of earth and the vertical axis of religion and morals. Wherever you place yourself is ultimately your own co-ordinate decision : yet what good does it serve? I understand, were it not for this metaphorical Y-Axis we’d all descend into madness…but, would we be happier?

I recently read a poem by Keats, “When I Have Fears” – and it is precisely these fears that have assimilated into my life over the past few years. It’s this impending force of death, lurking around any corner, that pushes me often into a catatonic state of… sadness, for lack of a better word. I, like many people, often fear that I shan’t have the chance to be wholly and truly loved in return for the extent of emotion I feel for someone else. It’s comparatively easier to give love freely…. but when you reach a point where you feel as if you’re casting stones into an ocean that will never lap at your feet, the effort to pick up each pebble would leave you numb (as Keats stands alone, so do I, at times).

Perhaps this is the cause for our human frenzy in life. We rush about before the light that gleams an instant (more Godot) ceases to burn. Paradoxically, we may rush relationships to get them to where we want them to be, instead of enjoying the journey. And maybe that’s why so many teenage relationships fail; you’re too excited when you find someone you like, and want to love, that you end up messing it all up because you can’t wait to shower rainbows and fluff onto them.

But hey, we’re all dying anyway.

And yes, like Keats, I too experienced the joy of a Fair Creature for a moment.