A Story of The Reacher & The Settler

This is how some friendships and relationships end:  routine forms, and someone tries to break that routine. 

There’s usually a reacher and a settler: a reacher instigates the friendship, reaching out and the other person will reciprocate or reject. Over time, a pattern is established: one person usually texts the other person first, plans outings and is basically the catalyst for communication. This could either be the initial reacher, or the settler may assume this role after warming greatly to the reacher.

Things go wrong when the reacher beings to get tired. Tired of chasing, tired of being the one saying “Hi,” first, tired of being the one to plan and pursue. This is what happens when the balance of things is thrown out. When the reacher withdraws, hoping the settler will notice and start reaching back out AND NOTHING HAPPENS, that’s when disappointment kicks in.

The settler, so wrapped up in routine, either waits for the reacher or assumes the reacher no longer wishes to communicate. Pride or indifference takes over and the settler leaves the reacher waiting or eventually forgets the reacher altogether. All the reacher probably wanted was a little confirmation that they’ve been missed, wanted a little encouragement from their friend, wanted to know their friend is still thinking of them and other silly little emotional things that mean so much in the long run.

The reacher is left alone, waiting in vain, and begins to feel the weight of the entire friendship, eventually overthinks and explodes.  And dies.

The reacher must learn to be happy alone. 

Which is hard.

So, either enjoy your own company, find mutual reachers… or explode.