There has never been a love more pure than that which emanates from fresh eyes. Open to the world for the first time, yet a part of it for 9 months, your voice has been a guide to a fragment of infinity with tiny feet and hands. Love’s purity is surpassed only by the profound dependence of a baby on it’s caregiver, a complete trust and promise considered unholy when broken. Regardless of the individual they grow up to become, and the inevitable rage they’ll harbour against you in their teen years, the few fragile years of babyhood is enough to make me want to have my own.
‘Friday, I’m in love’ falls away when it comes to my baby – naturally, the loving environment is usually permeated by the nappy-drenched odour emanating from baby’s cute little bin – yet there’s an inexplicable consistency of emotion when it comes to tiny laughs and smiles, coupled with curious eyes. The constant occupation a baby gives would serve to fill the many holes that are fast becoming apparent in the fabric of my existence. This little being is one to protect, care for, raise and cherish while I may.
The process of raising another human being is known to catalyse deep maturity and an understanding of the world exclusive to caregivers. How does it feel to be the very backbone of an entity beyond your body ? How does it feel to hold in your arms a being comprised of half your genes? For once, undivided love is justified by baby’s very existence : whereas superficial love for members of the opposite sex fall flat on looks and courtesies. I want to know what that deeper love feels like. I want to know who I am, by looking into my baby’s eyes and seeing life reflected against a completely clear pane of truth.
On a more selfish line of thought – baby would become a chance to pass on all I’ve learned about life. A way to manifest my ideals in a different life, and watch as they take shape and form a unique entity raised by mine own hand. If baby will let me, I shall be the salve to a cruel world – until baby finds a soulmate for this life, like the characters in all those romance movies I would’ve watched with baby.
Life isn’t all moonshine and roses, I know, and with the thorns that baby brings, I’ll be able to learn salient values like patience, selflessness and tolerance for the whims of baby and the needs that come with.
I want a baby…but would baby want me?
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