Doubt

What is it about human nature that leads us to doubting? The feeling of delight after being softly touched, or holding hands can gently recede to the tide of doubt and incongruous emotions. It’s as if I’ve spent so much time overthinking and over analysing so many angles of a situation that I’ve forgotten to be happy. Why? Why doubt the person who told you not to doubt them when they said they like you? Why speculate if there’s an ulterior motive to all affections?

Take me to your hopeless place, and let me tremble alongside your thick hair as we doubt our own existence, and reassess the value of our youth – poorly spent in the company of people who may never understand us. I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. Let me open my arms to your core, aside your cigarettes and drinking problems I see a light that shines through you. I don’t understand the way I felt, laying next to you in my single bed, and how you saying 3 words to me in a memorable slur has suddenly compelled the way my attention swings. I don’t understand why you’ve given me the will to walk away from the tramps of my past and the cheap men of last night, with nothing but the vague promise of your three words.

You have a world of your own, and I know not if the uncertainty in your mental hall of mirrors shows me your truth or your ability to manipulate the world around you. Let me be your world. Let your light scatter, show me reality between the scales of your skin and the blood you burn on nights you feel alone. I can’t save you, but I can go down with you. Who are you? I’ve known you for a while – but who is the person I see today? Who was the person that held me yesterday? Are you still what I think you are, or has the light played a cruel trick, and where I think the tunnel ends, I simply fall down the rabbit hole to simply more confusion and isolation.

Make me understand what you want. And make what you want me, and me alone, and I shall give to you paradise and my heart. I invest no faith, but I remove my own doubt. I know, now. If you asked me, I would follow you. Now that you’ve put knowledge of your heart’s past and present into mine own, the decision I made is simply you.