I haven’t blogged in a while.
But, hopefully, the things I’ve learned in this while will
set. Like a newly formed pot, I’ve learned lessons throughout my life, but
sometimes I haven’t given the pot enough time to set into its shape. Cracks
form, my hands get dirty from constantly trying to prod at the wet clay of ‘lessons’
and things get distorted. Then a new experience comes, I try to make the pot
again and I err. I guess we will continue to make new pots until we can let the
clay dry and fill our pots with sweet water – and on that day, we will thirst
no longer.
It’s so haaaaaaard to do things. Life in general is
diiiifficult. I don’t know what prevents us all from just locking ourselves
into a padded room and laying there and never doing anything with ourselves
ever…wait… *goes to google the number of the local asylum*
Let’s revert back to the age old horse riding metaphor. I
feel like getting on the horse for the first time is phenomenal. Trotting
around, wind in the hair, having that Black Beauty Kimye fantasy life happening
is incredibly brave. So, imagine how much braver it is to get back on the horse
when it kicks you off and runs away into the distance laughing at you. It’s
pretty much the same feeling you have when you throw a Pokeball at Latios or
Latias without having Scary Face or anything keeping them there – they just
escape like lol after you get the message saying ‘argh! Almost had it!”
So this is me right now. Writing again for me is scary. I
haven’t done it publically for some time other than the tiny food blog I have.
And I know exactly why. I stopped having faith in myself for a lot of reasons. I
became more geared towards a different way of thinking; looked to driving cars
(haha, pun) and shunned horses for a bit. Currently, I have a smashed car and
no insurance and I’m looking at the horse like, “Please be my little pony
again?” and the horse is like “No bye lol.”
Let’s pretend that little dialogue didn’t happen.
Moving on, a lot of things have happened and I’ve been terrified
to restart my life. It is so easy to practise knowledge, wisdom and advice when
you’re in a good place. When things are going right it is easy to dissolve into
what you know to be right and to commit to the right path. It is only in the
storm that it becomes hard to remember the stillness. I am grateful for my
storm, because I have surprised myself. I haven’t gotten back onto the horse
yet - but I have it around… been grooming its hair and feeding it sugar cubes
and so forth. I want to start. And start I will.
