As I write this I am countries and continents away from my
tiny studio apartment in Cape Town. In fact, had I taken a quick jog across the
southernmost pole, I might have taken a shortcut to my current place of
contentment: a delightful, homely cottage by the sea in the finest, fairest, four-leaved-clover
land of them all: Ireland.
Okay so I am not really in Ireland. But I know that’s where I
want to be, one day. I had forgotten this quite some time ago – the power of
hours home alone coupled with a carefree mind can create a powerful excavation
tool for nostalgic desired buried at the core of one’s inner planet.
My planet is quite a strange one, where - despite my persistent tendency to live in my
own head – I have not visited it very often. It scares me. I’d rather drift
around the stars, come back to the tangible Earth or just enjoy the blackened
cosmos between my eyelids when I sleep. However, this is a problem.
How can you go on living in contentment when you’re not quite
sure of who you really are and what fills the land and sea of your own planet? Loneliness
is a plague that has scourged the land we live in, with the salve being human
companionship and love – but how much richer would our lives be if we didn’t
fall victim to the plague at all?
Prem Rawat said:
“And we are never lonely, for we always have ourselves.”
But who are we, really? A task I had set for myself some time
back was to find happiness in myself and to get to know myself better. However,
I seem to have subtly rejected calls from myself on more occasions than I’d
like to admit. I’ve cruelly read messages from myself and chosen not to respond
– how horrible must I have felt to have seen the ‘read’ receipt but not
received a reply!! I am the worst.
Yet, I must say, it is not too late.
Once again, I will commit to becoming my own friend. Once
again I will take up the pen and tapdance on my keyboard to type out boring
blogposts to myself in a way of saying: “Hello, my friend, sorry I have been
away so long – how have you been?”
I am booking a ticket
to my inner planet, naturally there is room for anyone who may like to join me,
and I am going to get to know myself this year a bit better. I am going to do
the things I love more often. I am going to put down IFRS now and then and let
myself draw, paint, read and lay in the sun more often.
I am going to remember to breathe more often, and fill all
the little gaps that people, things, my cat and clouds of candyfloss cannot
fill … and I am going to fill it with my own joy.
PS
I am not going batty, nor have I been abandoned on the side of the road in a dustbin waiting for DSW to take me away. In fact, I am quite happy and thought this little identity discussion might inspire you to get to know yourself a little better this year :)
