Let’s go back to one of my favourite topics : myself. Expect nothing profound this time around.
Last night, I was talking to my friend and my voice did a weird squeak. She laughed and remarked on how Indian I sounded – and the thought occurred to me : what else am I supposed to be? I’ve been struggling with this sub-identity crisis for quite a portion of my life, having attended mainly white schools and being exposed to the cliché twang of the middle to upper class white citizen. However, I must reiterate, that the enunciation, pronunciation, dictation and grammarfication (made that last one up) of words and phrases really doesn’t establish your identity.
What does, though?
I’ve been living by myself for ¾s of the year thus far, and I’ve found myself increasingly taking control of the dynamics that shape my character. Without my parents, I was able to find a faith that worked for me. Without my parents, I was able to see, clearly, their remnants within me : the way my mother likes to do her lipstick, the way my father always has something critical to say, and my mum’s tea addiction. Their traits have selectively trickled their way into my soul, making me this amalgam of development and completion. But than again, we’re all changing : some rapidly, some an inch every 2 years. We choose new friends, let old ones go, look forward, stare out of the window to our past and ponder our many alternate realities.
That’s something else, I must say – I learnt not to feel guilty about taking on new aspirations, and for leaving behind carcasses of my past dreams. I’m not going to be the vulture hankering after the long dead Kudu of my career in writing. I’m letting it go. Nor will I be the lioness working under the wrong alpha, thinking it was going to be a walk in the park but ending up doing stuff I really don’t like : I heard marketing is basically all statistics and research, no actual copywriting. Which is not what I signed up for.
I am an Indian, I am doing a Bcom in accounting. I am very behind with my course, and you know what? I'M HAPPY. People have been giving me so much flack about changing my degree and saying I shouldn’t be changing my field. Well, they shouldn’t be trying to shove their opinions into my life when they’re not needed, either.
